Scoured by relentless headwinds, with roads that either snake up impossibly steep mountains or connect scruffy towns separated by almost unimagineable distances, the Republic of Anaerobia is a nation few seem to care to visit. In fact, the Republic is a completely inhospitable nation for the sport of cycling -- but of course we find it perfect for training our National Cycling Team.

Adherents to the Anaerobian Way are scattered far and wide ... it exists as a state of mind that only the devoted care to endure, for it requires breathtaking effort. Basically, the Republic is a place where suffering begets a transient but unmistakable ecstasy.

Traits of the Anaerobian include persistence and the insatiably quixotic desire to explore the boundaries of the Republic. Talent is not a prerequisite - only an appetite for the journey is necessary. For Anaerobians, the pain is the reward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Veni, Vidi, Vomiti
The proud motto of the Anaerobian motherland is emblazoned on each garment.

The Republic of Anaerobia is right on the border of Paraguay and Bulgaria. Most world maps published today fail to show The Republic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Little Known Anaerobian Facts:

• The style of government that is practiced in the Republic is known as a velocracy

• Karl Marx had a resting heart rate of 36

• Lenin was a promising racer before the revolution, winning several minor kermesses in Belgium

• Stalin owned 7 bicycles but never rode any of them.

• Boris Yeltsin always put vodka in his water bottles which perhaps explains why his longest ride was no more than 2 kilometres.

• In the 1960s, before his days at the KGB, Vladimir Putin was an assistant Directeur Sportiv for Molteni.

• During Ukrain's Orange Revolution (Помаранчева революція), protests were halted each day from 1-4PM to enable the national cycling team to train on the downtown criterium course.

 

   

 

 

Next: Extreme Power-to-Weight Ratios

 

 

The Republic of Anaerobia National Team Jersey and Team Cycling Cap

Now is your your chance to wear the national team jersey worn by so many greats in the annals of the vaunted republic: Barfolini, DeBonque and Opgegeven. Jersey Made of Aries Micro Plus sublimated fabric, the blood red dyes used in the manufacture of this garment will last until the Republic shall rise again. 3/4 length hidden zipper, 3 roomy pockets on the back for all your paperback-sized propaganda. Designed and Manufactured in California. Comes with a mess of Republic of Anaerobia temporary tattoos (which were made in Arizona since you were wondering).

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Republic of Anaerobia Jersey (men's / unisex): $70

Republic of Anaerobia Jersey (Women's): $70

The Republic of Anaerobia National Team Bibshorts (shown with jersey)

Anatomically-paneled sublimated bib shorts created to match the Anaerobia jersey. Classic black tailoring Made with "Corsa Super Opaque" 8 oz. Poly/Lycra material, which means the shorts will stand up to many seasons of riding without showcasing anything extra, shall we say. Comfortable Torino synthetic and antibacterial chamois. Designed and Manufactured in California, USA.

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Republic of Anaerobia Bibshorts: $84

The Republic of Anaerobia Team Socks
You wear these and you're telling the world you laugh at gale-force headwinds and 27% gradients. Two sizes: SM (men's size 5-9, women's 6-10, euro 37-42) and LG (men's size 9-13, women's 10-14, euro 43-48). 4" cuff. Acrylic, nylon, spandex. Made in the USA. $12.

Republic of Anaerobia Water Bottle
Regular size (21 oz). The spray of corpuscles on the side of the bottle is alone enough to intimidate those who struggle to follow in your wake. Made in USA. $6.

The Complete Republic of Anaerobia National Team Kit
Jersey, bib shorts, a pair of socks, two bottles. When it's time to represent the vaunted republic. (note: 3X kits ship with 2X bibs)
Mens/unisex: $172

Women's specific: $172